On heartbreak and "making it".

I think it is safe to say this has been a hard month for my family. On November 16th, my brother Jared died. All I can say really say is that it is a wonder some of us didn't have heart attacks. NO ONE should EVER have to get a call like we got. All of us have been going though the "what if..." stage. Yes I know that isn't healthy, but people that say the you "shouldn't say that to yourselves" have probably never been through this. There will ALWAYS be "what ifs" for the rest of our lives.

We have all been very overwhelmed by all the love and support we have been shown through out this time. I can honestly say that we have felt every single prayer that has been said for our family. I don't think we would have made it through the first week without them!

The other thing that amazed me was the peace my family felt throughout the viewing and funeral. I didn't cry the whole funeral (ok ok maybe a tear rolled down my face when Jared's casket was being lowered... but that was it).

I consider myself lucky that I got to spend 25 1/2 years with my brother. Jared and I weren't very close these past few years.... it wasn't like we didn't get along or anything, we just were both busy in different ways. For that reason I am SOOOOOOOO glad that I was the only one from our family that got to be in the delivery room with he and Ashley when Lillian was born! As you can tell from my last post, I already felt pretty special about the whole thing.... Little did I know at the time just how important that would be for me... It is something I will always cling to now.

I love you Jared. We will always miss you but I know I will see you again one day!

Jared's Memorial Website

Time to play catch up....

My life lately has been one big whirlwind of busy. I am so very glad that we moved in with my parents and I was able to quit my job because I would not have been able to keep up school and work. The past 2 weeks have been insanely packed with clinicals, tests and papers. Today we had our NCII final. That means just NCIII and NCIV left! I was really nervous at the beginning of the semester about joining in with the 2 year (or 3rd semester) students. My fears were unfounded. I got put into a group with 7 people I didn't know, but they welcomed me with open arms and we all get along well. I'm able to share things I've learned whild being an LPN and they help me with all the paperwork and bookwork (side note: care plans are evil!!). When I'm not in school I'm spending quality time with Michael and Makenna. I'm so glad I get to be with her so much because I kinda missed the 1st year of her life because I was working so much (yes I know I didn't really miss it, but it sure feels like it looking back). We have all been going to the lake at pedrick and hwy 90 to walk in the evenings. It is great spending that time together. Today Raelee and Makenna rode together in the stroller. The girls are becoming best friends and I love it! Shelley babysat Makenna for a bit this afternoon,  and when I picked Makenna up I asked her if she had fun playing with Raelee. Her response (which is awesome because she doesn't talk much yet) was "uh yeah, I did." I then asked her what they did. She replied "we payed (played)". It was so cute!
Makenna is a tough little gal. On Sunday at church she ran up to a little boy to give him a hello hug and got body slammed by him. She didn't even cry. Her only fear right now is this little bug toy Raelee has and footballs. She is absolutely terrified of footballs. It is sad and funny at the same time. If there is one in the room She clings to Michael or I. She has become quite the little monkey. She climbs on EVERYTHING! It scares me to death!
We are all enjoying the new little babies in our family. It's been pretty amazing to see Jared transformed into a dad.
I'll put few pics of our life from the last few months. Sorry for how this post is layed out... it is hard to arrange right from my phone.